The Grubtown Daily Herald

I’ve been back from the US for a week now (having been away from 2nd to 19th May), during which time I filed two reports for Ingrams, a big American wholesaler, reproduced below. It already seems such a long time ago!

DISPATCHES FROM THE ROAD:
On Tour With Philip Ardagh

FIRST ENTRY:
This is my third trip to the US in as many years, and my second book tour. Last year it was a quick in-’n'-out trip to LA for the BEA, then home again to recover from jetlag and book-signer’s wrist. This time around, it’s New York to LA and back to New York again, with many a bookstore along the way. It started with an early morning car ride to Gatwick Airport then a flight across the pond to Newark Airport. I won’t bore you with legroom (or the lack of it) anecdotes. Take it as read that, with five internal flights so far ‘ I’m writing this on Monday 10th May’ and the fact that I’m six-feet-seven-inches tall, there have been many amusing did-you-really-think-I’d-fit-in that? moments.

After checking into my NY hotel room and reading through the large number of welcoming cards and letters from Henry Holt employees, I was greeted by a variety of gifts. . . and four boxes of books that needed autographing for the IRA conference in Reno. (When first asked to speak at the IRA conference, I wondered whether the organisers assumed from the name ‘Ardagh’ that I’m Irish, thus qualifying me to address the Irish Republican Army. It was swiftly explained that this IRA was something different!) Kate, my Holt editor, met me for dinner my first Sunday evening in NY, and we enjoyed fine dining under some railway arches. (Trust me on this one. It was in a restaurant behind The Conran Shop.)

The following morning was the first of what’s become a series of school events tied in with local bookstores. These have been fantastic because the bookstores, the teachers and the pupils have been SO enthusiastic. WOW! What a welcome. Things kicked off at Haworth School at an event organised by Books, Bytes & Beyond in Glen Rock, which we went onto after my leaping around at the school. Over the next few days, I visited Plymouth Creek Elementary School in association with The Bookcase Wayzata; Concord Elementary in association with The Red Balloon Bookshop; plus school events arranged by Barnes & Noble and Huntington Beach, Whale of a Tale in Irvine. . .

Those of you with a better sense of geography than me will realise that this took me from New York and New Jersey to Minneapolis & St Paul to California, and that was without my mentioning my little trip to Reno to speak at Scholastic’s breakfast for the IRA. The other speakers were Megan McDonald, Esme Codell, Jacqueline Woodson and Jon Sciezka. What an interesting bunch of writers they turned out to be.

I’d already met up with some of the Scholastic crew on the Wednesday, where I was made to feel loved/wanted/needed at a breakfast hosted for me in their New York offices. As well as saying lots of lovely things about me ‘ blush! blush! ‘ I was also presented with my very own Malcolm the stuffed stoat (one of the characters from my Eddie Dickens books). This filled me with unbounded joy, and Malcolm has been touring with me ever since. My Holt minder Deb, whom I’ll simply refer to as ‘D’ to maintain her anonymity ‘ oops, sorry! too late ‘ has been in charge of him and of my rubber stamp which reads ‘the authentic signature of Philip Ardagh’, used at my signings, hence her new description as the ’stamp and stoat’ lady.

Saturday was stock signing in and around LA before zzzzipping off to La Jolla and now to Berkeley, where I’m typing this on a borrowed laptop in my room in the Claremont Hotel. I’m sure there’s a whole host of stuff I’ve forgotten to mention in my first of two dispatches. . . but that’s book tours for you: hectic and rushed, but F-U-N. And, oh yes, at one school, they even played ‘God Save the Queen’!

SECOND ENTRY:
Greetings once again!

Here’s the second and final instalment in my dispatches from the road. First off, let me say a few words about food. When you’re away from home in the country of large portions, it’s easy to end up being what the airlines call a C.O.S. (Customer Of Size), so my advice is simple: eat fish. And that’s what I’ve been doing, along with avoiding puddings - what you guys call ‘desserts’ - except in the few instances where I’ve found myself in a Manny’s or a Morton’s. In those circumstances, my advice is eat whatever you like in the cow department, as long as it isn’t bigger than you are. As for drinking, only have the odd beer or two AFTER the events and signings; not before, and certainly not during.

Since I last shared my on-tour feelings with you - it’s good to share isn’t it? - I’ve flown to Chicago and then back to New York where I started the tour. An incredible storm delayed my return flight and there was much waiting in the airport and then in the plane on the runway before finally getting to my hotel in NY at about midnight. Luckily I had my editor, Kate, there to keep me company. In the airplane, I mean. Events along the way have included a dinner in Orinda, California, (where I saw the lovely Jonatha from Copperfield’s amongst other great booksellers), two school events for Anderson’s Bookshop in Naperville, Illinois, followed by an evening event in the store itself, plus a school event and stock-signing for Bookstall in Winnetka, more stock-signing at Lake Forest Book Store and Crocodile Pie, Libertyville, followed by my final school event at Barnes & Noble, Huntington, NY. And what FABULOUS schools they all were. You know who you are, guys. There were great teachers and enthusiastic kids. That just about sums up my impression of the whole tour, in fact. A huge THANK YOU to every one who did so much to make my visit such an enjoyable one. All the behind the scenes activity really paid off. And thank you for all the letters, drawings and gifts I’ve received along the way. My publishers are going to have to crate them up and send them on to me.

On Saturday, I met up with a bunch of other authors at Books of Wonder in NY. Peter the owner gets even sweatier than I do - which made me feel even MORE welcome in what’s already such a wonderfully welcoming store - but he doesn’t appear to have resorted to carrying a green sweat towel yet, which is something that I do. It’s quite a feature at my events! (Don’t I paint an endearing picture of my lovely self?) My final official duty before reaching Henry Holt (where I am now) was to sign a big pile of stock at Koen Book Distributors in Moorestown, NJ, where, once again, I was made to feel most welcome and even taken to lunch… …and, before you ask, no, I didn’t have fish. And, yes, I had PUDDING!

I’ll be happy to be home again in not-so-sunny England on Wednesday 19th, but sad to say goodbye to all my American friends, old and new.

Until the next time, adieu.